


Hades' Personal Hell

by 100331



Series: Even A God's Gotta Go! [3]
Category: Greek and Roman Mythology
Genre: Desperation, F/M, Latrine, Scat, Toilet, pooping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-18 00:13:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14200692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/100331/pseuds/100331





	Hades' Personal Hell

It was the first frost of winter, and Hermes rushed Persephone down to the Underworld, to be reunited with her husband Hades. “Oh, my love!” squealed Persephone as she ran into Hades’ muscular arms. “I’ve missed you so much!” “I have too,” replied Hades. Hermes tipped his wide-brimmed hat and zoomed away, back to Olympus. Persephone and Hades took his chariot to the Fields of Elysium, there the pomegranates were ripe and ready for picking.

Persephone picked one and ate three of its seeds, therefore she could stay in the Underworld with Hades for all three months of winter. Hades picked six pomegranates and wrapped them in his cloak. “Are you sure, you wanna eat all of those?” asked Persephone. “I’ll be fine, I’ve eaten five last time you were here, why can’t I handle six?” replied Hades. “Ok, but don’t say I didn’t warn you when this backfires,” said Persephone.

Later, as the Lord of the Dead, sat on his ebony throne, looking over his subjects, he felt a rumble in his belly. Hades groaned as he blew a blaring fart out of his butt. “Damn...!” He waved the smell away with his cloak, fortunately no one was around to smell or hear it. He started to grunt as a massive log forced his anus to expand and shook his backside. His eyes widened and he knew he had to poo. He clenched his butt cheeks together and sat up, just as his nephews, The Judges of the Dead, approached.

“Dearest uncle,” said the ghost of Aiakos, “we need your assistance.”

Hades clenched his teeth. “Can this wait?” he murmured. “I’m occupied.”

“No, my lord, it can’t” said Rhadamanthus, “you see, because of the expanse of wars breaking out, perhaps by a bored Ares, we can’t judge all the dead souls by ourselves.”

“You, however, used to judge the dead before we died and came here,” replied Minos. “It would only make since to have the original judge of the Dead aid us.”

A bead of sweat ran down Hades’ forehead as his asshole quivered. “You’ll have to do what you can,” he insisted. “If this were the Heroic Age, then yes. But alas, this is the Bronze Age, the age of conquest and warfare. We need all the help we can.”

“As I’ve said,” Hades growled. “I’m occupied. It will only be a few minutes.”

“But sir, you, Hekate, and Persephone are the only ones who can help”, replied Rhadamanthus. “Nyx is occupied bringing the night, the Erinyes are occupied torturing the souls of Tartaros, Morpheus and Hypnos are busy bringing sleep to the world, the Fates and Thanatos are busy seeing over the lives of mortals, and Hermes and Charon are occupied guiding the dead here.”

Aiakos joked, “You don’t want Cerberus judging them now would u. If he did, then those who are already here can escape. He needs to grab the gates.” “Alright, fine” Hades said as he walked stiffly to the entrance of the Underworld.

Thousands of souls awaited his judgement, causing a great commotion. “Don’t fret, sire, with six people helping, I bet they will be sorted by sunset,” said Minos. “Wonderful,” Hades said sarcastically. Minos and Hekate, the darkest of the six, dammed the wicked souls to Tartaros, while kind-hearted Aiakos and Rhadamanthus, welcomed the souls of mortals who were neutral in life and the ghosts of animals to the Asphodel Field5, and Persephone and Hades were given the responsibility of allowing the souls of the good and heroic to go to Elysium. “Is this almost over?” Hades grumbled. His silver eyes darted at the black wine jug, thinking he would just squat over it and shit. “Three more people,” replied Persephone. “And why look. These are some familiar faces!”

“Oh no, not these three!” said Hades as he noticed the souls of Jocasta, queen of Thebes, and her sons Eleoctes and Polynices. Hades dared not to defecate in front of such beloved figures in life who died due to a tragedy; it would be insulting. “Just send them to Elysium already,” Hades insisted. “Well since they are our honored guests, we should escort them personally,” said Persephone. “Ah, fuck me” thought Hades, as he followed Persephone and the ghosts of the queen and her sons. The road to Elysium was far but worth it to the souls who were going there. When they got to the fields, Hades scowled at the pomegranate trees; they were the cause of his pain. “If only I could punish those trees by relieving myself upon them,” he thought.

Hades bounced up and down, and clenched his ass as hard as he could till the Theban royals walked off into the sunset to join their ancestors. “Finally!” he whispered. “Now,” said Persephone, “we can have some fun of our own!” She clutched his butt cheek, and Hades whimpered. “Not right now, dear,” he murmured. “This is an emergency.” Persephone said, “I know, baby; ever since I had Zagreus, you and I have been on a bit of a dry spell. But that’s gonna change.” She pressed his bosom against his pecs and pecked his cheek. “I love you”, she whispered in his ear. “I love you, too, dear,” he said. “But my stomach is killing me.”

“I know you’re nervous, but don’t worry, I’ll take the lead this time,” replied Persephone as her hand went up Hades’ robe and she scratched his thick bush. “You like that don’t you?” She pushed Hades onto the grass and lifted up his loincloth. His cock sprang out, erect from the seduction but begging to pee. “Well, hello there,” the Queen of the Dead joked, “I forgot how thick you were.” Before Persephone could lift up her robe, Hades pushed her aside and shouted as he ran, “I promise to fuck you after this important business I have to deal with!”

He rushed across the Underworld to his palace, and ran down the halls to the nearest privy. Hades plopped his muscled ass onto the seat of the latrine and blew a blaring fart as a monstrous log crackled out of his ass. “Praise be!” he cried in relief. Hades was relieved, but unfortunately the cold metal seat made the hairs on his ass stand out and caused goosebumps to appear on his butt cheeks. He wrapped his shoulders with his cloak, but his teeth still chattered. Hades stifled a shiver as some gas hissed out of his butthole.

“Fuck it,” he thought, as he got up and hovered over the hole. “It’s rather my thighs be tired then to freeze my ass off.” He groaned as he squatted and another log crawled its way out of him; he would be horrified if Persephone saw him now. He struggled to hold himself up by placing his hands on the cold seat of the latrine. But his weight seemed to be pushing him down towards the freezing seat.

In fury, Hades tore off his cloak and shirt and cast them onto the floor. He pulled his loincloth down to his ankles, therefore his clothes wouldn’t be a burden on him. The god strained to keep himself upright as the log fell out silently. His asshole quivered and released some foul gas. “How are my farts so rancid? I ate 6 fucking pomegranates, they should smell like citrus?” He tucked his cock between his legs and piss rocketed from his urethra. He strained as a turd pushed his way to add to the pile gathering below.

Hades’ left leg was falling asleep so he moved it to awaken it, but he tripped over his loincloth and his ass slammed onto the cold latrine. “Damn it!” he shouted. Hades didn’t try to hover again, he just gave up and sat on the freezing seat, and sighed as he looked over the privy in boredom. “I should have brought a scroll or something,” he thought. He tapped his left foot, trying to keep it awake, as he pushed out some more shit from his asshole. Hades rubbed his hands against his muscular shoulders, hoping to warm himself. “Damn, do I hope this is almost over,” he said.

Then all of the sudden he heard a giggle. And another one and another. But the giggles burst into laughter. Right behind him, he could hear the laughter of a crowd. “What’s going on?” he cried in alarm as he turned around quickly. To his embarrassment, a mass of shades were covering their mouths and laughing hysterically. “So, that answers my question: gods do relieve themselves,” chuckled a ghost to his friend. “How embarrassing,” his friend commented. A female ghost whispered to another and said, “It’s true what they say, the male Olympians’ buttocks are more beautiful that those of mortal men!” “I should have married a demigod, not an athlete. They aren’t full deities, but at least his cheeks would be thicker than my husband’s muscular buttocks!” said the second female ghost.

All the women ghosts’ faces were both red with joy and embarrassment, as their eyes were blessed with the sight of Hades’ pale yet beautiful butt cheeks. The male ghosts were just howling over in laughter, pointing at the hairy buttocks of the Lord of the Dead. He was at a loss as to what to do to save face. “How could this happen?” thought Hades, as both the cheeks on his face and butt turned bright red.

\----------------------Earlier that day------------------------

Hermes flies back to Olympus after dropping off Persephone, but bumps into a wall of Hades’ castle, the sill of the window above cracks off and the curtains fall. “Whoops! Hopefully that’s not anything important!” says Hermes as he zooms back to his father’s home. Little did Hermes not he bumped into the chute of one of the latrines in Hades’ palace. There was a window by it that allowed the smell to air out of the room, but curtains were provided to cover the user’s modesty. Hades unfortunately was such in a rush he hadn’t noticed that was the window was wide open.

\---------------------------Present---------------------------- 

The whole Underworld had witnessed him shit. All of Hades’ cheeks, burned, meanwhile as he struggled to bear his humiliation. Then he rose up from his bed with a terrified gasp. Hades looked around, it was his bedroom. He was sitting there, his blanket covering only his genitals. Persephone was asleep next to him, wrapped in a quilt.

“Oh,” he whispered softly with a nervous chuckle. “It was all just...a terrible nightmare.” Then a sudden rumble came from his belly. “Well, since I’m up...” He hopped off the bed but the floor was too cold to walk across. Hades wouldn’t be able to make it to the privy without freezing his toes off. He crept down under his bed and found a chamber pot. Hades hovered over it and quietly urinated into it; and grunted softly as a fart worked its way out of his cheeks. And with a mighty push, his poop splashed into the bowl. “What was that?” asked an awakened Persephone. Hades’ eyes opened wide with embarrassment.


End file.
